Salwa, You have such a beautiful way of expressing these truths. It's not always easy, but I agree fully: we need to make space for all our emotions to truly heal.
Sandra, thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot that this resonated with you and you’re right...it’s not always easy to make space for everything we feel, especially when we’ve been taught to push things down or stay “strong.” But I really do believe that allowing ourselves to feel it all is such an important part of healing. I’m grateful you felt that truth in the piece
Thank you so much for this Salwa it's a great reminder that I'm where I need to be
Recently a family member told me I would feel better if I practiced gratitude because that's what she does and it works for her …things could be worse.
I am grateful . I am grateful that I had the strength and wherewithal to end a very unhealthy relationship. I am grateful I survived that relationship. I am grateful I was able to write a pro say divorce and not add to the thousands of dollars he left me in debt. I am grateful that I am picking up the pieces and putting myself back together kintsugi style. I am grateful I am here as I am.
Salwa you live up to your name- comfort. I am grateful you were here and that you write from your heart ❤️
Thank you so much for this beautiful message April...it honestly touched me deeply. I can feel the strength in your words, and I want you to know how powerful it is that you’re choosing to honour everything you’ve been through while still being gentle with yourself. Gratitude doesn’t cancel out pain, and you’ve captured that balance so beautifully here. You are grateful, and you’re also healing, processing, rebuilding and all of that deserves space. I’m truly moved by the way you’re holding your story with such honesty and courage. And your words about my name brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for that. I’m so grateful you’re here, too. ❤️
Wow! That was judgmental and unfeeling on her part. I do try to remember all I hv and be grateful for it bc things always can be worse…I also compare my struggles to others who hv bn in my head far worse and that doesn’t really help them or me. To not compare awfulness with someone else. To be real with what you are going thru with yourself is really good medicine. These thoughts were processed thru counseling and Griefshare. It has helped if I think it is what the other person wants, to share how or what has helped me….
Yes...this really speaks to something important. I completely agree that looking on the bright side, especially when things are clearly not okay, can sometimes feel like a disservice to truth. Denial doesn’t create peace...action, honesty, and connection do. I love how you put it: we have to make it positive, not just pretend it already is. There’s something powerful about facing reality together, holding space for the mess, and still choosing to move forward with compassion
Thank you for this essay, Salwa. Comments such as "look at the bright side" or "Count your blessings" shut down our ability to own the entirety of our feelings and demonstrate an inability of the commenter to listen. We can't just brush away our pain by trying to be positive. Yes, we can be grateful for the blessings in our lives, but counting our blessings does not eliminate pain.
Thank you so much for reading and for reflecting so thoughtfully Lori. You put it perfectly....those kinds of comments, even when well-intentioned, can unintentionally silence the very real emotions we need to process. Gratitude and pain can absolutely coexist, but one doesn’t erase the other. When someone says “look on the bright side,” it often comes from discomfort with vulnerability rather than a true willingness to listen. I really appreciate you naming that. We need more space for honest, full-spectrum feeling and more people who are willing to sit with us there.
Wise AF per usual, Salwa. You are going to be (already are?) an excellent psychologist. 🙌
I especially like this sentiment: "Not every moment needs to be reframed into something inspirational. Some things just hurt. Some days are just heavy. And that is absolutely okay."
Thank you so much....that honestly means the world to me. I’m still in the process of becoming, but hearing this kind of encouragement reminds me why I’m on this path. That part you highlighted is one of the most personal to me, because for so long I felt like I had to turn every struggle into something useful or inspiring. Letting things just be without trying to dress them up has been such a big shift. I’m really glad that line resonated with you. Truly, thank you for seeing me and for believing in where this is all heading.
Counting your blessings doesn't mean ignoring your sorrows and I think that's where humanity has been misinformed. It's like telling someone to "lead while you bleed", which is common in churches and boardrooms. I never understood telling someone to look on the bright side and expecting them to be chipper when they feel like they’re about to be nailed to a cross by the weight of the world. Even Jesus struggled with anxiety, stress, sadness and doubt. Why don’t we have the right to as well?
Yes....this is such a powerful and necessary truth. I think you’ve captured something deeply human here: the pressure to appear strong, faithful, or composed even when we’re internally falling apart. It’s so true that “counting your blessings” has been misused as a way to dismiss pain rather than honour both joy and sorrow at once. That image of “leading while you bleed” hits hard...it’s the quiet suffering that so many carry because they’ve been taught that vulnerability is weakness. And your point about Jesus is so important. If even he was allowed to cry out, to feel sorrow and doubt, then surely we are allowed the same. We were never meant to bypass our emotions to be “good enough.”
Agreed 💯. I sometimes think real is not always acceptable for some. I prefer it, as it promotes contentment for me. Toxic positivity makes me feel uncomfortable, because it is not honest… not real life.
I feel that so deeply. Realness can make people uncomfortable, especially when they’re used to tidy answers or quick fixes but like you, I’d rather have the truth, even if it’s messy. There’s something grounding about being honest with ourselves and each other. It gives us space to breathe, to be seen as we are, without pressure to perform happiness. And yes, toxic positivity can feel so alienating for that exact reason...it skips over the real, raw parts of life that actually connect us. Thank you for sharing that. I think there’s real strength in choosing honesty, even when it’s not the easy path.
Yes, there is such deep comfort in that kind of hope....the kind that doesn’t dismiss pain but gently walks beside it. The kind that says, this hurts and there is still more to come. I’m so moved by what you shared. That hope of reunion, of healing, of things being made right in time is something no one can take away. It doesn’t cancel the ache, but it can carry us through it. I’m holding your words close
I’ve been learning to sit with and lean into the grief, along with the happy times, making a whole memory. Deepening the connection I had with my best friend/hubby. Making my love for him, us grow even more. Seeing and soaking all I’ve gleaned from him. That life’s moments don’t always and will not always be butterflies and balloons. That it’s ok and good to sift through the dirt, the stuff that made what happened happen. It’s ok to not be ok. Learning who I can share these things with. If I want to. My heart, feelings too often are shown for everyone to see…
This is so deeply moving. What you’re doing...allowing yourself to hold both the light and the heavy, to feel the fullness of love and grief without rushing through either is such a brave and beautiful thing. I can feel the tenderness in your words, the ongoing connection you have with your husband, how it continues to grow even now. That kind of love doesn’t end; it deepens, it teaches, it remains.
You’re so right...life isn’t always soft or easy, and sometimes we do need to sit with the hard parts, sift through the soil of it all, and let it shape us. That doesn’t mean we’re stuck. It just means we’re choosing honesty over denial. And learning who is safe enough to share that with....that’s part of protecting your heart, too. You don’t owe your rawness to everyone. But when you do choose to share, it’s a gift. Thank you for sharing it here.
No, not always butterflies and balloons, but I you are doing well. I love the way uou are leaning into the happy times and grief to create whole memories. I think that is beautiful. God bless you, and thank you for your words.
Thank you so much...that truly means more than I can say. I’m so grateful this spoke to you, and even more touched that you chose to share it with others. It’s moments like this that remind me why I write in the first place. If even one person feels a little more seen or a little less alone, then it’s worth it. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement. I’m really honoured to walk alongside you in this way.
Wow, thank you for that slap of realality. I did not see what is was i doing or not doing, in that peace, and gave me food for thought on how I interact. Thank you so much for helping me grow.
I’m so grateful you shared that....thank you. It takes real honesty and openness to pause and reflect like that, and I really admire it. Sometimes we don’t even realise how certain habits or responses have crept in until something nudges us to look a little closer. I’m so glad this piece offered you that space. Growth isn’t always comfortable, but it’s always meaningful. Thank you for reading with such an open heart.
I remember writing a poem years ago, “I Made a Date With Rage,” and another piece about inviting depression to tea.
I was raised with the “keep pushing” mentality, that there are people who are worse off and I should “be grateful.” I eventually joined a church that bred toxic positivity. I remember when my life fell apart and they all disappeared. It took me years to realize that they only wanted the positive, happy Tara who was winning.
I remember about ten years ago I was really struggling and the affirmations felt like dead words. I finally said out loud, that my life was hard at the time and I felt miserable. The moment I gave my body the space to feel the emotions my life changed for the better.
I still find myself trying to be positive during difficulty, but now I remind myself to feel the pain. It’s much more healthy to fuel it than stuff the emotions and getting sick.
Thank you Therese! Out of respect for Salwa’s page, I’ll message you the link to the “Date with Depression.” I’ll look for the other one on rage today.
I read date with depression, that level of solid self awareness you have is astonishing. I'd like to be so in touch with myself as you. Major depression 4 years straight now. That self-awareness at that level, means you can talk to yourself rationally anytime. Well done you, wonderful you!
Awesome piece Salwa, feels like I'm reading a reflection of my own writing. We share the same view on this, I think there is no point looking on the bright side when you are genuinely unhappy. It makes things much worse.
Thank you so much Stefano...I really appreciate that. It’s such a comforting feeling to know there are others who see things the same way. You’re right, when you’re genuinely unhappy, being told to “look on the bright side” can feel like your pain is being ignored or invalidated. Sometimes what we need most is simply to be allowed to feel what’s true, without pressure to make it sound better than it is. I’m really glad this resonated with you, and I’d love to read your reflections too if you ever feel like sharing.
I have a lot to say about this topic Salwa! I lived somewhere I was really not happy for about three years of my life and tried my best to make it work by pushing positive affirmations. This never worked. I was never happy and the toxic positivity ended up being the reason my relationship with my former partner broke down. I tried to make it work where we lived because I thought the struggles I was having was just part of life—but I realised no matter how much I tried, I would remain unhappy because my environment didn’t align with what I wanted from my life. It was a tough pill to swallow, but I’m doing much better now because I made the changes I knew I had to make.
Salwa, You have such a beautiful way of expressing these truths. It's not always easy, but I agree fully: we need to make space for all our emotions to truly heal.
Sandra, thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot that this resonated with you and you’re right...it’s not always easy to make space for everything we feel, especially when we’ve been taught to push things down or stay “strong.” But I really do believe that allowing ourselves to feel it all is such an important part of healing. I’m grateful you felt that truth in the piece
Thank you so much for this Salwa it's a great reminder that I'm where I need to be
Recently a family member told me I would feel better if I practiced gratitude because that's what she does and it works for her …things could be worse.
I am grateful . I am grateful that I had the strength and wherewithal to end a very unhealthy relationship. I am grateful I survived that relationship. I am grateful I was able to write a pro say divorce and not add to the thousands of dollars he left me in debt. I am grateful that I am picking up the pieces and putting myself back together kintsugi style. I am grateful I am here as I am.
Salwa you live up to your name- comfort. I am grateful you were here and that you write from your heart ❤️
Thank you so much for this beautiful message April...it honestly touched me deeply. I can feel the strength in your words, and I want you to know how powerful it is that you’re choosing to honour everything you’ve been through while still being gentle with yourself. Gratitude doesn’t cancel out pain, and you’ve captured that balance so beautifully here. You are grateful, and you’re also healing, processing, rebuilding and all of that deserves space. I’m truly moved by the way you’re holding your story with such honesty and courage. And your words about my name brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for that. I’m so grateful you’re here, too. ❤️
🙏 So grateful for you
Wow! That was judgmental and unfeeling on her part. I do try to remember all I hv and be grateful for it bc things always can be worse…I also compare my struggles to others who hv bn in my head far worse and that doesn’t really help them or me. To not compare awfulness with someone else. To be real with what you are going thru with yourself is really good medicine. These thoughts were processed thru counseling and Griefshare. It has helped if I think it is what the other person wants, to share how or what has helped me….
The way the world looks in this moment, it would be wrong to look on the bright side.
Better be realistic and do something about it, get together and do something.
Find peace within, and offer some to others, so we can all move forward.
Because, let's face, everything is NOT alright at the moment.
We'll have to MAKE it positive.
Yes...this really speaks to something important. I completely agree that looking on the bright side, especially when things are clearly not okay, can sometimes feel like a disservice to truth. Denial doesn’t create peace...action, honesty, and connection do. I love how you put it: we have to make it positive, not just pretend it already is. There’s something powerful about facing reality together, holding space for the mess, and still choosing to move forward with compassion
Thank you for this essay, Salwa. Comments such as "look at the bright side" or "Count your blessings" shut down our ability to own the entirety of our feelings and demonstrate an inability of the commenter to listen. We can't just brush away our pain by trying to be positive. Yes, we can be grateful for the blessings in our lives, but counting our blessings does not eliminate pain.
Thank you so much for reading and for reflecting so thoughtfully Lori. You put it perfectly....those kinds of comments, even when well-intentioned, can unintentionally silence the very real emotions we need to process. Gratitude and pain can absolutely coexist, but one doesn’t erase the other. When someone says “look on the bright side,” it often comes from discomfort with vulnerability rather than a true willingness to listen. I really appreciate you naming that. We need more space for honest, full-spectrum feeling and more people who are willing to sit with us there.
Wise AF per usual, Salwa. You are going to be (already are?) an excellent psychologist. 🙌
I especially like this sentiment: "Not every moment needs to be reframed into something inspirational. Some things just hurt. Some days are just heavy. And that is absolutely okay."
Thank you so much....that honestly means the world to me. I’m still in the process of becoming, but hearing this kind of encouragement reminds me why I’m on this path. That part you highlighted is one of the most personal to me, because for so long I felt like I had to turn every struggle into something useful or inspiring. Letting things just be without trying to dress them up has been such a big shift. I’m really glad that line resonated with you. Truly, thank you for seeing me and for believing in where this is all heading.
Those lines are gold.
Counting your blessings doesn't mean ignoring your sorrows and I think that's where humanity has been misinformed. It's like telling someone to "lead while you bleed", which is common in churches and boardrooms. I never understood telling someone to look on the bright side and expecting them to be chipper when they feel like they’re about to be nailed to a cross by the weight of the world. Even Jesus struggled with anxiety, stress, sadness and doubt. Why don’t we have the right to as well?
Yes....this is such a powerful and necessary truth. I think you’ve captured something deeply human here: the pressure to appear strong, faithful, or composed even when we’re internally falling apart. It’s so true that “counting your blessings” has been misused as a way to dismiss pain rather than honour both joy and sorrow at once. That image of “leading while you bleed” hits hard...it’s the quiet suffering that so many carry because they’ve been taught that vulnerability is weakness. And your point about Jesus is so important. If even he was allowed to cry out, to feel sorrow and doubt, then surely we are allowed the same. We were never meant to bypass our emotions to be “good enough.”
Agreed 💯. I sometimes think real is not always acceptable for some. I prefer it, as it promotes contentment for me. Toxic positivity makes me feel uncomfortable, because it is not honest… not real life.
I feel that so deeply. Realness can make people uncomfortable, especially when they’re used to tidy answers or quick fixes but like you, I’d rather have the truth, even if it’s messy. There’s something grounding about being honest with ourselves and each other. It gives us space to breathe, to be seen as we are, without pressure to perform happiness. And yes, toxic positivity can feel so alienating for that exact reason...it skips over the real, raw parts of life that actually connect us. Thank you for sharing that. I think there’s real strength in choosing honesty, even when it’s not the easy path.
This is spot on and very beautifully said. Thank you for sharing this piece Salwa 💕
Thank you Namrita ❤️
But there is hope. In Him. I will see my bff one day and all will be made right. My husband had that hope. Good to hope. To keep walking.
Yes, there is such deep comfort in that kind of hope....the kind that doesn’t dismiss pain but gently walks beside it. The kind that says, this hurts and there is still more to come. I’m so moved by what you shared. That hope of reunion, of healing, of things being made right in time is something no one can take away. It doesn’t cancel the ache, but it can carry us through it. I’m holding your words close
I’ve been learning to sit with and lean into the grief, along with the happy times, making a whole memory. Deepening the connection I had with my best friend/hubby. Making my love for him, us grow even more. Seeing and soaking all I’ve gleaned from him. That life’s moments don’t always and will not always be butterflies and balloons. That it’s ok and good to sift through the dirt, the stuff that made what happened happen. It’s ok to not be ok. Learning who I can share these things with. If I want to. My heart, feelings too often are shown for everyone to see…
This is so deeply moving. What you’re doing...allowing yourself to hold both the light and the heavy, to feel the fullness of love and grief without rushing through either is such a brave and beautiful thing. I can feel the tenderness in your words, the ongoing connection you have with your husband, how it continues to grow even now. That kind of love doesn’t end; it deepens, it teaches, it remains.
You’re so right...life isn’t always soft or easy, and sometimes we do need to sit with the hard parts, sift through the soil of it all, and let it shape us. That doesn’t mean we’re stuck. It just means we’re choosing honesty over denial. And learning who is safe enough to share that with....that’s part of protecting your heart, too. You don’t owe your rawness to everyone. But when you do choose to share, it’s a gift. Thank you for sharing it here.
🥹🥰
No, not always butterflies and balloons, but I you are doing well. I love the way uou are leaning into the happy times and grief to create whole memories. I think that is beautiful. God bless you, and thank you for your words.
Thank you
I like that you say to write how you feel and not what you should feel.
Such a good, needed article. Ms. Salwa , God is using you to help me and so many others. I hv shared this with my friends.
Thank you so much...that truly means more than I can say. I’m so grateful this spoke to you, and even more touched that you chose to share it with others. It’s moments like this that remind me why I write in the first place. If even one person feels a little more seen or a little less alone, then it’s worth it. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement. I’m really honoured to walk alongside you in this way.
Thank you! I’m glad my comments, heart encouraged you. It’s true. It means a lot when I can make others happy.
This is a great message.
Thank you Gretchen
Wow, thank you for that slap of realality. I did not see what is was i doing or not doing, in that peace, and gave me food for thought on how I interact. Thank you so much for helping me grow.
I’m so grateful you shared that....thank you. It takes real honesty and openness to pause and reflect like that, and I really admire it. Sometimes we don’t even realise how certain habits or responses have crept in until something nudges us to look a little closer. I’m so glad this piece offered you that space. Growth isn’t always comfortable, but it’s always meaningful. Thank you for reading with such an open heart.
This is so beautiful!
I remember writing a poem years ago, “I Made a Date With Rage,” and another piece about inviting depression to tea.
I was raised with the “keep pushing” mentality, that there are people who are worse off and I should “be grateful.” I eventually joined a church that bred toxic positivity. I remember when my life fell apart and they all disappeared. It took me years to realize that they only wanted the positive, happy Tara who was winning.
I remember about ten years ago I was really struggling and the affirmations felt like dead words. I finally said out loud, that my life was hard at the time and I felt miserable. The moment I gave my body the space to feel the emotions my life changed for the better.
I still find myself trying to be positive during difficulty, but now I remind myself to feel the pain. It’s much more healthy to fuel it than stuff the emotions and getting sick.
Thank you for this very necessary piece.
Blessings!
I would love to read your DATE WITH RAGE or DEPRESSION TO TEA POST.
Could you find them and publish them here.
Affirmations don't work if you don't really believe what you are saying.
It's better to be honest with ourselves and not to block any of the emotions. It's healthier. Thank you.
Thank you Therese! Out of respect for Salwa’s page, I’ll message you the link to the “Date with Depression.” I’ll look for the other one on rage today.
I read date with depression, that level of solid self awareness you have is astonishing. I'd like to be so in touch with myself as you. Major depression 4 years straight now. That self-awareness at that level, means you can talk to yourself rationally anytime. Well done you, wonderful you!
Thank you! It wasn't easy. It took a lot of years in therapy and writing. It's possible.
Be Well!
Awesome piece Salwa, feels like I'm reading a reflection of my own writing. We share the same view on this, I think there is no point looking on the bright side when you are genuinely unhappy. It makes things much worse.
Thank you so much Stefano...I really appreciate that. It’s such a comforting feeling to know there are others who see things the same way. You’re right, when you’re genuinely unhappy, being told to “look on the bright side” can feel like your pain is being ignored or invalidated. Sometimes what we need most is simply to be allowed to feel what’s true, without pressure to make it sound better than it is. I’m really glad this resonated with you, and I’d love to read your reflections too if you ever feel like sharing.
I have a lot to say about this topic Salwa! I lived somewhere I was really not happy for about three years of my life and tried my best to make it work by pushing positive affirmations. This never worked. I was never happy and the toxic positivity ended up being the reason my relationship with my former partner broke down. I tried to make it work where we lived because I thought the struggles I was having was just part of life—but I realised no matter how much I tried, I would remain unhappy because my environment didn’t align with what I wanted from my life. It was a tough pill to swallow, but I’m doing much better now because I made the changes I knew I had to make.