What My Son’s Autism Taught Me About Love, Life, and Letting Go
How my firstborn has taught me patience, resilience, and how to embrace life’s imperfect
This week, my first born, my boy turned 14.
Fourteen years of laughter, lessons, and love. Fourteen years of watching him grow into himself, seeing the world through his eyes, and learning more from him than I could ever hope to teach.
Before I became a mother, I thought I understood love. I thought I knew what it meant to give of yourself, to care deeply for another person, and to cherish them for who they are. But then my son came into my life, and he turned everything I thought I knew upside down.
My son has autism, and loving him has been the most transformative experience of my life - not because it’s been easy, but because it’s been real. His journey has taught me more about love, life, and the beauty of being human than anything else ever could.
Love Is Not About Fixing
One of the first lessons my son taught me is that love is not about fixing - it’s about accepting. In the early days, I was overwhelmed by a desire to help him in every way possible. I wanted to make things easier for him, to shield him from every challenge and frustration.
But I quickly learned that my job wasn’t to change him - it was to understand him. To meet him where he is, on his terms, and to love him exactly as he is.
This kind of love requires a kind of letting go. Letting go of expectations, of the idea that love should always feel effortless, of the belief that it’s my job to mold him into someone else. In that letting go, I found something even more beautiful: the privilege of knowing him as he truly is.
The Beauty of Seeing the World Differently
Through my son, I’ve learned that there’s no single “right” way to experience life. The way he sees the world is uniquely his own, and it’s opened my eyes to so much that I might have overlooked otherwise.
He finds joy in things that most people might pass by - a perfectly lined-up row of books, the rhythm of a song he loves, the predictable pattern of a daily routine. His attention to detail and his ability to notice beauty in the smallest things have reminded me to slow down and appreciate the world around me.
Some of my favorite moments with him happen late at night when the world feels quiet and still. We’ll set up his telescope and look at the stars, his voice full of excitement as he shows me where the planets are. He knows their names, their positions, and little facts about each one.
It’s not just the stars that amaze me - it’s the way he sees them. The wonder in his eyes and the way he shares it with me make me feel like a child again, discovering the beauty of the universe for the first time.
Love Is in the Small Things
My son has taught me that love doesn’t always look like grand gestures or loud declarations. It’s in the quiet moments - the way he reaches for my hand when he feels anxious, the way his face lights up when he talks about something he’s passionate about, the way he trusts me to be his safe place.
These moments might seem small to others, but to me, they’re everything. They’ve taught me that love isn’t about perfection; it’s about presence. It’s about showing up, day after day, even when it’s hard.
Patience, Resilience, and the Power of Showing Up
Raising my son has taught me patience in ways I never expected. There have been days filled with challenges - meltdowns, misunderstandings, moments when I felt like I wasn’t doing enough or getting it right. But those days have also taught me resilience.
He’s shown me the power of persistence, of trying again, of finding new ways to connect and communicate. He’s taught me that love isn’t about having all the answers - it’s about showing up, even when you don’t know exactly what to do.
Redefining Success and Joy
My son has redefined what success means to me. It’s not about fitting into society’s mold or meeting arbitrary milestones. It’s about celebrating progress on our own terms.
When he overcomes a fear or tries something new, it’s a victory. When he laughs with his whole heart, it’s a reminder of what really matters. He’s taught me to measure life not by achievements, but by moments of connection, growth, and joy.
Life Through His Eyes
Through my son, I’ve learned to embrace life’s unpredictability. He’s shown me that it’s okay to take a different path, to rewrite the rules, to create a life that works for us - even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.
He’s taught me to be softer, kinder, and more compassionate - not just with him, but with myself and the world around me.
Most of all, he’s taught me that love is limitless. It’s not about changing someone or expecting them to fit into a certain box. It’s about seeing them, celebrating them, and walking alongside them on their journey, wherever it leads.
The Greatest Gift
My son has given me the greatest gift: the chance to see the world through his eyes. And in doing so, he’s made me a better person.
He’s reminded me that love isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. Life isn’t about perfection - it’s about connection. And love? Love is about showing up, day after day, with an open heart and the willingness to see the beauty in the differences that make us who we are.
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What a beautiful testimony.
My life was blessed by having a child with Down syndrome. I have said and will continue to say that she has been my greatest teacher. I learned so much about unconditional love from her.
I, also, learned to redefine success. She lived a light and loved filled life. She created a huge circle of people that adored her through the force of her effervescence and isn't that a successful life?
She was the greatest gift our family received.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful boy with us.
Beautiful, Salwa. My son was diagnosed at four years as being on the spectrum (for him, it was PDD-NOS until he was in high school). He went through some tough years and still has struggles at almost 29, but he's living his life. I was in therapy for a while and the therapist reminded me that I can't live his life any more than he can live mine, and as such I had to temper my expectations. In fact, to see him alive (not a given since he was born at 1lb, 13oz) and healthy may be all I can ask. The journey is certainly not as monolithic as so many see it as ...