February: A Letter to Myself About Love and Relationships

Reflections on love in all its forms—what I’ve learned and what I wish I had known.

a note book with an entry "love & relationships" and cup of coffee

Dear Me,

I know why love has felt complicated for you. Why, for so long, it was easier to keep a distance than to risk letting someone in. You weren’t always this guarded—there was a time when love felt simple, something to be given freely, without fear. But experience taught you otherwise.

There were people who should have been safe but weren’t. People who took advantage of their position, of your trust, of the way you still believed that goodness could be found in everyone. You learned to be careful—too careful. You convinced yourself that the safest place was behind your own walls.

And then, when you thought maybe you were ready, you let someone in. You thought love could be something soft, something different. But that didn’t go the way you had hoped either, did it? Instead of rewriting your story, it reinforced the one you were trying to leave behind. It whispered the same old warning: Love isn’t safe. People will take advantage of you. You cannot let your guard down.

I won’t tell you that those fears were unfounded. You built those walls for a reason. They protected you when you needed them most. But I will tell you this: not everyone will hurt you. Not everyone will take more than they give. Love isn’t the enemy—pain is. And you are learning the difference.

Slowly, in small ways, you are unlearning the idea that love is just another risk to endure. You are seeing that love, real love, does not ask you to shrink yourself. It does not demand your silence or your sacrifice. It does not manipulate or take without giving.

You’ve also begun to understand that love isn’t only found in romantic relationships. It’s in the quiet support of family, in the laughter shared with friends who make you feel safe, in the moments where you show up for yourself even when no one else does. Love is the way you are learning to soften, not for others, but for yourself.

And let’s not forget the most important love you’re learning: self-love. It’s not about grand gestures or perfect self-care routines; it’s in the small moments—the way you forgive yourself for not knowing better, the way you celebrate your courage to try again, the way you’re learning to trust yourself.

So, as you move forward, here’s what I want you to remember:

• Yes, some people have taken advantage of your trust. But not everyone will.

• Love should not feel like survival. It should feel like home.

• You do not have to rush to open your heart—but when you do, let it be for the right reasons, not just because you’re tired of being alone.

• And most of all, love—real love—will never ask you to abandon yourself.

With love and patience,

Me

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Your Turn to Reflect:

This month, think about your own relationship with love.

• How has your past shaped the way you approach connection?

• What fears are you still holding onto?

• What does safe love—love that doesn’t ask you to shrink or compromise yourself—look like to you?

Write it down, say it out loud, or simply sit with it. Love, when given the space to be what it’s meant to be, is never something to fear.

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Resources to Explore:

• Book: All About Love by bell hooks – A transformative exploration of what love means in all its dimensions.

• TED Talk: The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown – A must-watch about the connection between love and courage.

• Journal Prompt: Write about a time when love felt safe. What made it feel that way? How can you cultivate more of that in your life?

• Podcast Episode: Loving Yourself, Loving Others from On Being with Krista Tippett – A thoughtful exploration of love as a practice.

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A Gentle Reminder:

Love is something you are learning to trust again, and that in itself is an act of courage. If this letter resonated with you, subscribe to follow along with this series, and let’s keep growing together.

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“Letters to Myself” is a yearlong journey of reflection, growth, and becoming. Join me every month as I explore the past, present, and future through heartfelt letters. Subscribe to follow along and be part of this thoughtful journey.