10 Ways to Say No and Still Be Kind
Setting Boundaries with Grace: A Simple Guide to Saying No Without Guilt
Dear You,
I’ve spent a lot of time wrestling with the idea of saying no. Maybe you have too. For the longest time, I thought saying no meant disappointing people, pushing them away, or worse, failing them. But here’s what I’ve learned: saying no isn’t about rejection. It’s about creating space for what truly matters—for you and the people you care about. And the best part? You can say no and still be kind. Here’s how I’ve started doing it:
1. “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t commit right now.”
This one’s my go-to. It’s short, honest, and kind. When someone asks for your time or energy, showing gratitude can soften the no. I love using this when I genuinely appreciate being asked but know I’m already at capacity. It’s a way of saying, “I see you, but I also need to see myself right now.”
2. “I’d love to help, but I need to prioritise other things at the moment.”
Have you ever felt pulled in too many directions? Me too. This is how I let someone know that while I care, my plate is already full. It’s not easy, but it’s a way of choosing what I’ve already committed to without guilt.
3. “I’m not the best person for this, but I’d be happy to suggest someone else.”
Sometimes I’m asked for help with something I’m just not equipped to handle. Instead of stretching myself thin or trying to do it all, I’ve learned to pass the baton. It’s freeing to say no while still offering support in another way.
4. “That sounds great, but I’ll have to pass this time.”
I love this one for casual invites or recurring opportunities. It’s light, friendly, and leaves the door open for another time. I’ve found that people appreciate the honesty, and it saves me from overcommitting.
5. “I’m flattered you asked, but I’m going to have to say no.”
I used to feel awkward turning people down. Then I realised that a little flattery goes a long way. This response lets them know their request matters without making me feel like I’m letting them down. It’s a win-win.
6. “I’d love to, but I don’t want to overpromise and underdeliver.”
Here’s the truth: I’ve overcommitted more times than I can count. This phrase is my way of owning that habit and doing better. It’s honest, and it shows respect for both myself and the person asking.
7. “I need to take some time for myself, so I’ll have to say no.”
This one feels personal because it is. Admitting that I need time for myself hasn’t always been easy, but it’s necessary. I’ve found that being upfront about self-care not only helps me but also normalises it for others.
8. “I really appreciate the offer, but I’ll have to decline.”
Simple and direct. Sometimes, less is more. This phrase works wonders when I don’t have the energy for a lengthy explanation. It’s polite, clear, and guilt-free.
9. “I’d rather be upfront—I don’t think I can give this the time and energy it deserves.”
This one’s for the moments when I’m tempted to say yes but know deep down I shouldn’t. It’s respectful and thoughtful, showing the other person that I value their request enough to be honest.
10. “I hope you’ll understand, but I can’t take this on right now.”
This response comes from a place of empathy. It’s gentle and acknowledges the other person’s needs while standing firm on my own limits. It’s a reminder that kindness and boundaries can coexist.
Why Saying No Is an Act of Kindness
Here’s what I’ve learned about saying no: it’s not selfish. In fact, it might be one of the kindest things you can do—for yourself and for others. When you say yes to everything, you risk spreading yourself too thin, burning out, and ultimately not showing up in the way you want to. Saying no allows you to save your energy for what truly matters.
But let’s be real—setting boundaries isn’t always easy. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably been conditioned to put others first, to avoid conflict, to keep everyone happy. Breaking out of that mindset takes practice, but it’s worth it. When you say no with kindness, you’re not shutting people out. You’re creating space for honesty, care, and the things that truly matter.
To anyone learning to say no: it’s okay to choose yourself. Your worth isn’t tied to how much you give. And to anyone hearing a no: thank you for respecting it. Boundaries are an act of love—for ourselves and for each other.
With love,
Salwa
Salwa - Love the tips and advice and you had me at just say no and be kind about it! Truth be told, I've found I can't get though my day without setting one or two healthy boundaries with others but most importantly with myself.
Saying no is one of the steps towards selfcare.
Thanks for sharing some great tips on how to actually do it.